According to my blogspot profile this is my 100th post (where's my victory parade?). My very first post was entitled "Narcissistic, Desperate, and Pathetic?" At the time, I was apparently very concerned about avoiding all three of these "negative" characteristics. Last night I participated in a "Grace group" where the story of the participants life is shared; traumas, disappointments, highlights, lowlights...it's all a part of sharing. It was my turn to share my life, warts and all. After sharing, a few reassuring comments stuck out, but one made me the most curious. I was told there was a theme of wanting to be understood.
Do I want to be understood? Yes. Does it feel narcissistic? Not really (or least I don't think it does since I feel more self-conscious than overly self-confident). Does it feel desperate? One definition for desperate is "an urgent need or desire." If that is the case, then yep, I'm apparently desperate to be understood. Does being desperate to be understood feel pathetic? One of the definitions for pathetic is "miserably or contemptibly inadequate." If I told you I failed on a minimum of 2 of the 3 requirements for starting this blog and you've read everything to this point, then you'll know the answer to the last question.
So, here I am 2 1/2 years after my first post and I'm feeling a little pathetic for being desperate to be understood. Do I pack it in and call this a failed attempt at avoiding narcissism, desperation, and feeling pathetic? No, probably because being understood matters more to me than the uncomfortable feelings that sometimes accompany it. Most importantly, I am just starting to believe that being desperate and having "an urgent need or desire" isn't bad and it isn't something to ignore. Don't worry, if I said I had an urgent desire to punch random people in the checkout line, I'd realize that is bad...that's not what I'm talking about, and think I just proved my point about wanting to be understood. The biggest question though is "who do I really want to understand me?" Maybe I'll figure it out before my 200th post?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
The biggest question though is "who do I really want to understand me?"
And I wonder what it would mean to you if they did understand you?
Looking forward to what will continue to come on this blog of yours D.
I like T's question here. I also wonder what is it, beyond understanding, that you long for?
Post a Comment