Life Ain't Always Beautiful

In the aftermath of his wife's suicide in 2004, country artist Gary Allan wrote a heart-wrenching album named Tough All Over which included the song "Life Ain't Always Beautiful." While the lyrics revolve around mourning for his wife, the opening verse and chorus could apply to anyone who suffers:

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

After my six month struggle (wait, is it seven now?) with back problems, this song felt particularly appropriate this past Saturday.  As Bethany walked down the stairs, she slipped and rolled her foot.  After several hours at the MedClinic, the x-ray showed she might have an avulsion fracture of her calcaneus (heel bone).  The weight of the accident was crushing for a few hours.  Life has been "plain hard" for a while now, and while others have suffered more and experienced more than we could imagine, it doesn't diminish the immediate impact on our lives.

Wyatt now has two parents who are struggling physically, which only intensifies some of the challenges we've waded through recently.  I'd love to immediately jump to truth that God is good all the time, but sometimes settling into the truth requires me to wrestle and wonder and question.  

Sunday morning, as Wyatt slept, Bethany and I had a quiet time and read together but separately.  I immediately went to the book of James in the Bible.  One major theme of the book is trials.  The recipients of James' letter were encouraged to "count it all joy when you experience trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces patience."  They are also encouraged to avoid falling into the trap of blaming God when they are tempted.

Honestly, it is tempting to blame God when we suffer (we being Bethany and I).  It is a fight.  It's not a knee-jerk response to feel pain and frustration and flippantly say "God is good" even though He most certainly is.  When I suffer, it feels like my body screams "He has to hate me" even though I know He loves me.

In James 5:10, James says "My brethren, take the prophets, who spoke in the name of the Lord, as an example of suffering and patience.  Indeed we count them blessed who endure.  You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord--that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful."

I've prayed for immediate healing, but it hasn't been answered.  Somehow in suffering I do believe I'm supposed to see the Lord is "very compassionate and merciful."  I might not be able see it without the struggle and without suffering.  Can I even know his compassion without suffering?  James 5:13 says "Is anyone among you suffering?  Let him pray."  Maybe I will find his compassion and mercy as I pray while Bethany and I are in pain?  Life Ain't Always Beautiful and that's why I need (we need) a counselor, a healer; and one that is compassionate and merciful.